Bitterness: Are you defiling your loved ones?

On my way into the office today, I was listening to a pastor on the radio speak about bitterness.  Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard a message about bitterness.  As someone who hasn’t exactly had the easiest life, my ears tend to perk up a little when I hear someone discussing the issue.

As a survivor of physical and sexual abuse, bitterness is a constant struggle.  But today the speaker whose name escapes me, spoke of the subject in a way that I had never really heard it addressed before.  He described bitterness as something that defiles you and your relationships.  He likened it to an infectious disease that corrodes your entire life.  I always understood that bitterness can’t be a good thing, but he used the word “defile”, which got my attention.  Defile is such a strong word, it means to desecrate and it is synonymous with words like “rape” and “violate”.  He made me realize that my bitterness violates my family and my friendships.  I desecrate my marriage when I allow wounds of the past to make me bitter.  Powerful stuff when you put it that way and I encourage you to put it that way in your own mind so that you can feel the sting of what it means to defile your loved ones with the bitterness that you allow to take over your life.

how-to-be-set-free-from-bitterness-in-marriage_thumbThe speaker really set a great background for the message when he discussed the girl of barely four years old who is sexually abused by people she trusts and then marrying the guy who had also survived abuse.  I knew God was speaking to me in that moment.  That was the age that I had been molested by two people that I trusted and that my family had trusted.

At times I can see the bitterness that my husband and I bring into our marriage.  The bitterness from our childhood is so thick, it’s palpable at times.  But when I look at my child, I realize that I don’t want him to be defiled by my bitterness.  It’s not easy but it really is a choice to let go of the bitterness over what things could have been or should have been.  Just realign your thinking and think of what they could be now.  If you’re reading this, it means you’re alive and your capable of making a radical change in your life.  Take your life back from your abusers, make a choice today to stop defiling yourself and those around you.  It’s not easy but we can do it together.  Let me know below that you’re ready to take the journey with me.

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